shortly (actually that very day) after writing my post on our foster daughter, we found out that a family member was petitioning for custody of her. needless to say, this information was very hard to take when we first received it. over the next few hours and days we came to accept that she was probably going to leave our home at some point in the next few months. little did we expect her to actually leave us two weeks later. but this is how things go in life.
thankfully. thankfully. thankfully, we have the beautiful opportunity to remain in her life as her godparents. honestly, no one could ask for a better situation than the one we have been given. she is safe, happy and well loved, and we get to hear all about it. hopefully we will get to hold her little chubby body in the near, near future. for now, pictures will suffice.
as can be expected, there were a lot of emotions that came out when we had to give our foster daughter back. anger. that she was being taken away so quickly and we hadn’t been forewarned. relief. that we wouldn’t have to wait for months to give her up. (sometimes ripping the band aid off quickly is easier to take). sadness. that i was no longer a mother. fear. of what i was going to do with my life now.
honestly, i was mad at her relative for wanting her. for not just letting us keep her. i no longer feel that way now (although i will always wish she could be ours). instead, i am thankful G-d has given us a new family to love and to share our lives with. i am thankful for this sweet relative that is thankful for what we did for her/our little girl and who is darn determined for us to stay in her life.
maybe i feel guilty. maybe i am just trying to be honest. but i don’t think about her everyday. i didn’t really cry about it for days and days like i expected to. i accepted it and moved on. i believe things would be completely different if i didn’t know where she was, if she was okay, and loved, and well cared for. but i know these things. and i don’t have to worry.